If you asked me when I was 3 what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was "a mommy." When I was 6, it was a mommy AND a doctor. At 8, I dropped the doctor thing...to much school. :D But the mommy part never wavered. At 13, 16, 20, 23...always the same-I want to be a mommy!
Every day friends on myspace, facebook, at church, or work are announcing they are pregnant! Most times it's "unplanned, but we are so excited," or "we didn't really want to get pregnant yet, but it'll be good" or "we weren't trying, but it happened anyway..." etc etc etc. I'm always happy for them, but it is so hard for someone who has wanted that very thing for SO long! We've been married FOUR years and still no baby yet. Obviously God has a reason for this [[and has given us a heart for adoption]] but it still wears on me. When will it be my turn?
More recently I've been reading so many adoption blogs and so many families are being united or already have their babies, or are going to any day, and yet here we are STUCK because we don't have enough money right now to even sign on and START the process of adoption. I'll admit it...I am just plain JEALOUS right now and quite frankly pretty angry that money is all that holds us back.
We've been saving as much as we can and trying to raise money thru garage sales and such, but it's slow going. I mean, 20 in tips each week isn't getting my baby bottles filled too quickly. I'm trying to have a good attitude, and God has been teaching us trust in Him, but it is easy to be discouraged.
How long will it be????????? My arms feel so EMPTY!
the fam
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my favorites
in happier times
CHANGE-ing the world one baby @ a time
road to hope
Hannah's Hope!
- sar
- though storms may come, i am holding on-to the rock i cling! how can i keep from singing your praise? i know i am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing!
so how can i keep from singing your praise? i am loved by the KING, it makes my heart want to sing!
4 comments:
Oh, I don't even know you, but I know how you are feeling. When one of my best friends got pregnant after A and I had been trying with no success for almost a year, it nearly killed me. I was so angry with God! I know how your heart longs to be a mother, oh so well. I know how you imagine what it will be like to hold your child in your arms. I am living proof that it WILL happen, against all odds and trials... you WILL be a mother someday. However, tonight my heart hurts for you, and I wish I could give you a big hug and cry right along with you.
SOOOOO......I guess my last comment wasn't too encouraging then!!! Don't be discourage my friend about God's refining process. His Word says that He won't give us anything that we can't handle. Maybe that is why you don't have a baby yet, as much planning as you have done and as much saving you have done, maybe it isn't just His timing. Maybe He is still prompting people's hearts to give, maybe He is still prompting your heart to wait. In light of eternity four years isn't long to wait. For instance me, I am 10 weeks pregnant but it feels like I should be 30+ weeks because I have been soo sick. This is by far the longest pregnancy EVER! In reality though it is not, I am just being anxious because I want to have the end result NOW!! Like you, we want the end result of the gold in our possession but forget about the refining process. I don' what it is like to be in your shoes, you don't know what it is like to be in my shoes, but I think that it is the same for everyone who wants something really bad. Wanting to be married, wanting to have a house, wanting to do a certain profession liking being a pastor, it is all the same. I love you Sar-Bear! I am continuing to pray for the process, the funds, the baby, the parents, and you and Mark!
On a lighter note....you might consider advertising that the highest donation to the adoption gets to name your baby!! That might bring in some BIG $$$$$$$!
"On a lighter note....you might consider advertising that the highest donation to the adoption gets to name your baby!! That might bring in some BIG $$$$$$$!"
LOL - that is really funny, and I bet it would work! You could set up an ebay auction or something.
Mama loves her girl who has a mama's heart! Bless you as you wait. I hurt for you too, but can't wait to see what God does! He loves YOU more than you can imagine...so do I!
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