How Can I Keep From Singing?

He is still there

2009-03-08T09:33:00.003-04:00

"When all that is good falls apart, what can good people do?

The LORD is in His holy temple; the LORD sits on His throne in heaven."

[[Psalm 11:3-4]]

suffering is a compulsory part of human existence. the difference for believers is that suffering need never be in vain.

Lord, as i consider what You do, i find myself feeling at times like the writer of Ecclesiastes: who can straighten what You have made crooked? when times are good, i am to be happy. but when times are bad, consider: You have made the one as well as the other [[Eccles. 7:13-14]] according to Your Word, Lord, there is a time for everthing, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance [[Eccles 3:1-2,4]] truly, You are the Creator and Sustainer of time. Nothing is "untimely" to You.

Lord God, as your child and Your heir, I know that if we share in Your sufferings we will also share in Your glory. Help me to really embrace the truth that any persent sufferings i encounter are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in me [[Rom 8:16-18]] Lord Jesus, just as Your sufferings flow over into our lives, so also through You our comfort overflows [[2 Cor. 1:5]] You are so faithful, Jesus.

[[beth moore, praying God's word day by day]]

few more favorites

2009-02-15T14:47:00.005-05:00

these were on mom's camera from Christmas...love em and hadn't posted pics in awhile...
in our front yard

my litlle brother

andrew

2009-02-07T16:48:00.000-05:00

is now in the presence of Jesus Christ. Free of pain and suffering, rejoicing before the Lord.

please pray for his family, because they miss him. and so do so many others.

grace and andrew mark

2009-02-05T11:49:00.003-05:00

most of you who read my blog know the mark's, who used to go to our church in WA. for those of you who don't, i have a link to their blog where you can read the whole story.

in 2007 andrew found out he had stage 4 cancer and after a two year battle is laying in the hospital right now extremely close to death. his faith in God has sustained him but of course does not take away the pain of this horrible cancer or of leaving behind his wife and kids, AJ and Gracie.

please pray for them right now, for a peace that passes ALL understanding; for comfort; and for his sweet family who is in so much pain right now.

graceandrew.blogspot.com

words of truth

2009-02-04T22:15:00.003-05:00

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in all the world. [[I Peter 5:6-10]]

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual host of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Stand, therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breatplate of righeousness and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverence and supplication for the saints. [[Ephesians 6:10-17]]

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. AMEN. [[I Peter 5:10-11]]

2009-02-02T21:48:00.002-05:00

sometimes i wonder how i can get so down about things even when i know what is right and true.

i am definately there right now. my eyes are downcast and my soul is weary and broken. my heart feels like it's been abused till it's about to fall apart. everything makes me sad, makes me cry. nothing really appeals to me except escaping from this suddenly hellish world i am trapped in.

all i can say is it's a good thing that God is for me.

sam and esther

2009-01-25T21:42:00.003-05:00

this absolutely breaks my heart. what will you do?? i know that even despite their circumstances, i need africa more than africa needs me. do you?

happy birthday sissy!!

2009-01-25T16:03:00.006-05:00

i want to thank GOD for putting my sister rachel in my life!

she is more than i could have asked for...she is not just a sister, she is my best friend

when we were little i watched her so i could be just like her.
i followed her around everywhere because i just wanted to be with her.i wore the same clothes cuz i wanted to look like her too.

i ordered the same thing at mcdonalds because i trusted what she liked was best.

i took the same classes and was friends with the same people because she has great judgement.

i was never scared, cuz she always took care of me and paved the way, always a year ahead of me.

i was always content to hear her voice last before bed even if it was just the little noises that made up our language.

i never once had to stop and think if i should follow her example or not because she is a woman who follows God.

i am thankful for the many times she helped me sort through the nonsense and do what was right

i am thankful for how she embraced all the changes in my life and helped me adjust too.

i am impressed by the way she helps and cares for so many people, and how she teaches her students and loves them so much.

i am inspired by the way she walks with God daily, and chooses to do right.

i love you chul!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

"I thank my God upon EVERY remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you with all joy..."

love, bear

ps. i promise your gift will arrive before your original due date!! lol

2009-01-18T11:56:00.002-05:00

I will sing to YOu, Lord, for You are highly exalted. The horse and its rider You have hurled into the sea! You, Lord, are my strenth and my song. You have become my salvation. You are my God and I will praise YOU!

something to brag about...

2009-01-17T19:09:00.004-05:00

my little brother zac.
he is an AWESOME kid.
in lots of ways.
pretty much the miracle child.

so last friday he about got his nose broken in basketball practice, then turned around and played a 27 point game against one of lake's top rivals. he had about five 3 pt shots in a row. oh, and basketball just keeps him busy on his offseason from baseball. i'm impressed!!

i have been gone and only seen 2 games in the last two years, so this video is a little old, but impressive nonetheless. [[he is number twelve]]

troubled on every side, but not distressed; perplexed but not in despair

2009-01-16T19:16:00.003-05:00

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?

I choose to put my hope in You, O God, for I will yet praise You, my Savior, and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefor I remember You! [[Ps. 42:5-6]] In all my distress, You too are distressed, and the angel of Your presence saves me. In Your love and mercy You redeem me. You lift me up and carry me as You have done for Your children through all the days of old [[Is. 45:3]].

Lord, help me not to fear, for You are with me; I need not be dismayed, for You are my God. You will strengthen me and help me. You will uphold me with Your righteous right hand [[Is. 41:10]]."

praying for abby...

2009-01-16T16:21:00.001-05:00

The Riggs family is one that I have been following since I started blogging, and also since I started the adoption process. Please join me in praying for their precious child they cherish and love so much!

2009-01-12T14:48:00.002-05:00

"O Lord, have mercy on me. Heal me, for I have sinned against You. [[Ps. 41:4]]

See how distressed I am! I am in torment within, and in my heart I am disturbed, for I have been most rebellious. Outside, the sword bereaves; inside, there is only death [[Lam. 1:20]] But thank You that I can be assured You will never forsake on of Your children crying out in agony over sin.

Lord God, lift me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire. Set my feet on a rock and give me a firm place to stand. Put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to my God! Blessed is the one who makes the Lord his trust. [[Ps. 40:2-4]]"

2009-01-08T11:17:00.001-05:00

Lord God, help me to trust in Your unfailing love. Cause my heart to rejoice in Your salvation. Help me to sing to You, Lord, for You have been good to me! [[Psalm 13:5-6]]

The LORD will do great things for me...

2009-01-08T11:12:00.002-05:00

"Patience to wait does not come from suffering long for what we lack but from sitting long in what we have."

The Lord will do great things for me, and I will be filled with joy. I will sow in tears, then I will reap with songs of joy. If I go out weeping, Lord, carrying seed to sow, I will return with songs of joy, carring sheaves with me. [[Psalm 126:3, 5-6]]

Please help me be willing to sow the seed of Your Word and to water it with my tears, believing You in the midst of my pain. If I do, You will be faithful to fill me with joy again. You will faithfully bring a harvest forth from my life. My suffering will not be in vain.

You , the God of all grace, who called me to Your eternal glory in Christ, will restore me and make me strong, firm, and steadfast after I have suffered a little while. [[I Peter, 5:10]]

once upon a christmas

2009-01-06T19:26:00.034-05:00

a family christmas...

welcome to...alaska? oh wait, i guess that's seattle!like a normal rockwell painting...and yes, it was THAT good, and i got to stay there!baby it's COOOOOLLLD outside!the sky and the trees looked BEYOND amazing! what a winter wonderland!a latte love...and a little momma's boyrockin' out at red robinheaded to 7 brides at the 5th avenue theatre in seattle on christmas adam! YAY!the stockings were hung by the chimney with care...with hopes that st. nicholas soon would be there!MERRY CHRISTMAS!!a common pose for my photogenic fajalet there be peace on earth! [[and let it begin with me!!]]the reason we celebratefamily christmas 2008"shout, o ISRAEL!"king stevezac with his new x-box 360 and the jacket zac bought for rachwe popped open our crackers and played in an amazing symphony together!da moshe with mom and rachthey wanted to play scrabble with me!!lots of fun!!on the way to a movie show on christmas abel![["c'mon people..."]]mom and her boy @ a bball gameso excited to see zac play!
nice shot!cheesin' it at the gameme makin latte's as usual!do you think we match our baby pictures?zac is so proud that he can stand in the back now!!galloping gertiespace needle!!a new year has come!Praise the LORD

when life gives you lemons...

2009-01-06T15:15:00.004-05:00

[[what do you do?]]

you put 'em in some water, add some sugar and stir well...

you know, ya make some lemonade!!

trying to be content despite my circumstances!! mmm, lemonade!

one more

2008-12-16T17:37:00.017-05:00

day - till i see my favorite faces...see you soon seattle my sophie!chilly girls!we love each other so!i'll miss you mark!

my starbucks family

2008-12-10T21:15:00.004-05:00

there are two starbucks in my town. one is on berkeley blvd and the other on wayne memorial drive. i've been priviledged enough to be a part of both stores. i worked at berekely until a few months ago when the new store opened. annnnyway, tonight my starbucks family made me feel very loved. <3

josh used to work with me at the old store until he became an EMT, just a few months ago. he received a call saying that there was a diabetic emergency on audubon ave [[which happens to be the street on which i live]]. [[oh, and i am a diabetic, i guess that is an important part of the story as well]] so he calls the old store. he gets amanda, and asks where i am. she doesn't know, nobody knows. so amanda calls me. i am sleeping on the couch, completely unaware of the entire situation, didn't get to the phone. amanda freaks out, calls my best friend heather. has she heard from me? noooooo. heather freaks, she and her husband get dressed and jump in the car to come to my house. still i am unaware. christian from the old store calls the new store while amanda is talking to heather and gets ahold of my other best friend kellie, who is working there. she hasn't heard from me either. kellie calls me. still i didn't answer the phone, i was making some scrambled eggs. :D chelsea is working with kellie at the new store, she texts me and says "hey baby! u alright?" i think back to a few hours earlier when i left work wondering if i was upset about anything. noooo. so i text her back, saying "no, why?" then i am interrupted by a phone call from heather. "michael and i are on the way to your house, are you okay??" oooh my. then i hear the whole story, and frankly i'm amazed at how fast news travels!! it is humorous to me [[though i hope my neighbor is okay]] and i feel bad that everyone was so worried! no worries, i am fine, happy as can be after my little nap on the couch.

[[chelsea, heather and i in the drive thru lane, and kellie and me laughing as usual!]]

in a matter of minutes, someone has a diabetic emergency, calls 911, dispatch calls josh, josh calls starbucks, amanda calls me, amanda calls heather, christian calls kellie, kellie calls me, kellie tells people at work and chelsea texts me, heather calls me, i call starbucks, and the whole drama ends. it's good to know that we all take care of our sbux peeps. :D

[[josh, heather, kenny, brandy, conner, rudy, scooter, grace, zack and myself last christmas]]

thanks guys, you're the best! thanks for watching my back!!

love ya

past few months in pictures

2008-12-05T23:00:00.017-05:00

just a little silent story of the last few months of my life...PinkFest'08 Chels, Me & Kellie

breast cancer survivors!! including our co-worker and friend sally! me and my world

happily wearing kellie's community hat

beech street in the fall

home away from home...

jason, adam, reese, chels, april, kellie and me

what we do @ sbux after hoursthanksgiving was a really slow day @ work...fred the turkey was born that day!my mini-meal...turkey sandwiches, corn, mashed potatoes, dressing & oliveskellie showin' fred some loveour sad faces when i left heather's thanksgiving partylittle skylar storm came back to visit!more sad faces...

tyrin' to work up some holiday cheer!

THE END

okay, so there were a few words...can't help myself!!

Still Singing

2008-11-15T14:05:00.003-05:00

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure" -peter marshall

I know that I haven't shared a whole lot of this problem, this tragedy in my life, but I do that to protect those I love. When the time is right I will share. It seems to me at this point in my life that there isn't a whole lot to report. But at the same time, there is so much to share, because God is working, ALWAYS!

Adoption seems like a distant memory in light of all that is happening right now. God has given me a passion for children, for Ethiopia, and that will NEVER go away. However, I do know that this is not the time for me to adopt. I plan to still volunteer with our adoption agency, and perhaps in the Hannah's Hope orphanage in Ethiopia if I can. It hurts my heart that I can't adopt right now, but I know God is in control, and this is what is best for me.

There are things going on in my life that I don't understand at all, and that break my heart. I know that I can always trust God's heart, even when I don't understand why things are happening. It's really stormy here right now, but even though God is allowing the storm to rage, He holds the power to calm it. He is simply allowing the wind and the rain to blow things away and reveal issues in my heart.

The only reason I have been able to carry on these last few months is God. He is walking this beside me, and even when I fall He is there to pick me up and carry me. He is FAITHFUL!!

God has given me a future and a hope, and I KNOW that all things work together for good for those who love Him and walk according to His Word. THAT'S why I'm still singing!

thank you for lifting me up in prayer!

award-winning pup!

2008-10-03T18:26:00.005-04:00

last weekend zoe got to go to her first fair...for pets!!

she was a little intimidated by the little yappers, but waltzed right up to the great dane and the husky. apparently she thinks she's a big dog!

she was all decked out in her cute bandanna, and after about a half hour her tail came out from in between her legs. :D

she got free treats and got to meet some doggie and kid friends, then she got to do her a little paw painting!! meaning she painted with her paws, we did not actually put designs on her feet as we would on a kid's face. :D all the paintings were hung out to dry, then judged for the winner. round one was judged and we didn't hear anything, so we actually headed home. then a few minutes later we got a call...she won third place in paw painting! awww, i'm so proud of my pup! my little baby's all grown up and winnin' prizes!

Beautiful

2008-10-03T18:03:00.005-04:00

Had to share the beauty of God's creation that cheered me up on my birthday!

THanks to my fam!!i miss you guys!but it's ALL good...

cuz you bring me more joy than i could ever tell you!! lubba dubba DUBBA

thankfulness

2008-09-21T14:13:00.002-04:00

thank God for saving a wretched sinner like me.

thank God for His mercies that are new every day.

thank God for showing Himself through the body of Christ.

thank God for the comfort and instruction of His Word. it does NOT return void!

thank God for bearing my burdens. i cannot walk alone.

thank YOU for praying for me.

THANK YOU!

2008-09-17T16:13:00.003-04:00

...everyone, for all of your prayers and your amazing love! i appreciate all the notes and calls and encouragement from my beloved brothers and sisters. <3

the storm is still raging, and the winds still blow, but i KNOW that my Jesus has the power to calm the wind and the sea. it is ALL in His hands.

and because of that reason i am at peace.

and thank you everyone for making my birthday extra special this year!!

i have received almost 10 renditions of "happy birthday" by phone and in person today! [[thank you mom, gram, dad, rach, kris, am, battista, kellie and heather1
i have received a GORGEOUS bouquet of flowers [[deliverd to me at work!! ]] from my wonderful family!
i have received a huge box of goodies from my fam including books, an IPOD!, songs, pictures, treats and wonderful notes of love! [[thanks mom, dad, rach & zac]]
i have received cards aplenty from so many [[but i think gram takes the cake!]]
i have received a pedicure, clothes, shoes, out to eats, and many other treats from my gram!
i have received puppy kisses from zoe and pounces from the gatito!
i have received shirts, earrings, cd's, propel, and a super out to eat with my sbux family put on by my super great friends kellie and heather!
i have received more shirts, and also a gift card from amanda!
i have received 20 messages on facebook and myspace wishing me a happy day!
i have received 2 birthday drinks from my friends at work, battista and amanda!
i have received lots of "happy birthdays" and birthday hugs from my friends and customers @ work!

you all are so good to me, and i LOVE YOU very much!

2008-09-12T17:49:00.002-04:00

you know those times when you don't have words?

this is one of them.

i'm feeling indescribable.
carried only by my FATHER.

pray please!

sad

2008-09-07T21:24:00.001-04:00

this is probably the saddest day of my life.
the hardest week i've ever had.

thank you for praying,
GOD IS MY STRENGTH

will you...

2008-08-31T14:13:00.001-04:00

pray for me? it's been a rough day.

ideas?

2008-08-22T15:26:00.003-04:00

okay, i need help friends!!!

i am going to try and sell some t-shirts to help raise money for our baby, but i need your help. i need ideas for what to put on the shirt, words to say, images, bible verses, etc...i have a few ideas, but i'd like your input because after all, you are the ones who will be wearing them along with me. :D

so, what do you think??

blown away...

2008-08-22T14:35:00.004-04:00

my eyes are filled with tears, and i almost don't know the words to say what i want to say.

i'm ashamed of myself for allowing satan to bring me low, because when i trust in God, i KNOW that He will not let me down. i've been feeling as though this adoption is TOO expensive, TOO hard, TOO much waiting...and though i know in my head that God is in control of ALL of these things, it is hard to tell my heart that.

my new friend gwen just recently said, "I will be praying that the money falls from the sky above ... The Lord can do that !!!" gwen, i say "AMEN!" to that, and thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for your prayers everyone!!

i just received the sweetest note from my dear friend from high school. and along with it, a check! she said, "in addition to our continued prayer support, we would like to help you and mark hold your baby as soon as possible. we will send a check every month until your baby is safe in your arms..."

T and K, thank you for allowing God to use you as an AMAZING encouragement and example to me and my family. we are blown away by your generosity and your love and care. THANK YOU so much!

...and please forgive me for my negative thoughts and words!

feeling low...

2008-08-20T14:48:00.003-04:00

and trying to get a grip over my emotions! i know that God gives us emotions to enhance our lives, but not to rule them. i 've had a hard time lately remembering that, and also remembering that God has me here [[in n.c.]] for a reason.

i'm struggling right now with lonliness and self pity. mark is working all day [[air force]] and then doing computers for a few hours after that, then four nights a week he has classes from 7-10pm. meaning if i'm lucky and have a short shift on saturday at starbucks, i get to see him for about 30 hours a week. not to mention i don't have a lot to do at home. i miss my family and my friends and my life in washington. i've been feeling quite lonely but i want to get out of myself and focus on something else. sooo, i think about our baby...

which brings me to self pity! i'm feeling pretty sorry for myself because i want this so bad! but i need to focus on where and what God has for me right NOW, and also on ways i can help others even when we are low on money or resources or whatever! at the beginning reading blogs was so inspiring and encouraging, now it is becoming somewhat discouraging to read of everyone else's happy endings. selfish?? YEA, i'll say! i am so genuinely happy for everyone, but i just wish i could tell my happy story too!

what have i realized? well, first if i want to be encouraged, i need to go to the WORD of life, not the word of the bloggers [[though i do love those too!]] thanks, mom, for reminding me of that! God is my rock and my encourager, and i need to find my joy in Him. second? i need to get out and think about others instead of focusing on how to entertain and satisfy my self and my feelings all the time.

well, last of all, i will finally ask:
if God lays it on your heart, we would be BEYOND thrilled for any monetary donations!

i hesitate to ask because i know that this is our call, but God lays different ministries on different hearts! but i also know that God has commanded us to take care of orphans and widows, and so if you can, we would be VERY thankful, and so will our baby! we understand money shortages, and we would like to say that your prayers are even more coveted than your $$!

but...if you would like to donate, you can send a check to us or our adoption agency:
we are @ 1212 Beech St, Goldsboro NC 27530
All God's Children International is @ 3308 NE Peerless Place, Portland, OR 97232
[[just make sure to let them know it is for Mark & Sarah Dickinson :D]]

THANKS always for your prayers and support and love!

sarah [[and mark]]

astounding FAITH

2008-08-17T08:00:00.001-04:00

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY FAITH!

Story of a Girl...

2008-08-17T07:00:00.001-04:00

Chapter 1-3

ONCE upon a time [[46 years ago]] a little girl was born in California.

She was the cutest, sweetest little baby, and a wonderful child.

Her mother cherished her and her father adored her. Her brother picked on her. :D

Chapter 17-21

She grew up to become a beautiful, happy, godly woman who caught the eye of a handsome man. They got hitched and lived in beautiful Washington. They started a family, bought a house, had a few cats, lived a happy life and enjoyed each other. The woman was a great mom and wife, and friend to many.

Chapter 22

But to me she was still nameless and faceless. I felt close to her and knew her voice, and I already loved her. But still I didn't know her. Then one day [[my favorite part of the story]] she became my MOMMY!

Chapter 22-44

She was the best mom to me, always giving me everything I needed and wanted. But during those years, she became something more. She became my best friend.

Chapter 45

In 2007 we both experienced one of the hardest times of our lives...we were separated. I had to move to North Carolina because my husband joined the Air Force. We made the best of the move and enjoyed an AWESOME road trip across the country!

Me and my BEST...

@ mt. rushmore

in chicag...OH

do you think we favor each other? we made it to n.c...

oh no, that means we have to leave each other!

She is always enjoying the ride, no matter where it takes her!!

I always think of her when I sit on my porch in the rockers she got us!

I miss talking to her, walking with her, laughing with her, singing with her, just BEING with her. She is just so AMAZINGLY wonderful to me, I just wish I could be with her all the time! Especially tomorrow, AUGUST 17th, which just happens to be the day that this story began almost 46 years ago. You know, Mama, that though we're WAY too far apart in miles, that our hearts are always entertwined [[sounds so...intimate, doesn't it??]] So therefore, I WILL be there, celebrating with all of you! I want to wish you the very best birthday, and I'm so glad God made you mine!! You are my best...

EVERYTHING!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY BEAUTIFUL MOMMY!

I have to say, you age better than cheebs!!

Chapter 46

Can't wait to see what this new year will hold for you MAMA!

lubba dubba DUBBA!

amazing GRACE!

2008-08-15T15:20:00.024-04:00

meet GRACE DEANNA MASSINGALEShe was born on August 15th @ 1lb. 4oz. and was 12 inches long.She's BEAUTIFUL but a little wrinkly since she was only about half baked. :D Yep, she was born about 17 weeks too soon. The doctors said there was LESS than 5% chance that she would make it...But look! Almost one month old, and she's opening those pretty little eyes and looking around! Grace was a trooper and toughed out more surgeries in her first few months than most do in their whole lives! Still a little small to play with her beany baby, though!Look, five months old and she's happy at HOME!
getting bigger...and bigger... and bigger...and BIGGER...and BIGGER!Finally big enough to play with that beanie baby!!

[[Remember the one that used to dwarf her?]] I finally got to meet little Gracie and her family! I have been praying for and talking to this sweet family since the time they were praying to get pregnant. I only knew them by name...they attend my grandma's church and Jen was my grandma's prayer partner. It was amazing to meet them and spend the afternoon at their house...they are an absolute blessing! Their faith is an awesome testimony and it blows me away to see how they trust God no matter what!
look at her now...

[[08.14.2008]]

[[Aren't you glad that God doesn't work on percentages?? ]]

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY GRACE!!!

ooooh yes, i'd also like to introduce to you:

FAITH MERRYANN MASSINGALE

Grace's twin sister was born two days after her on August 17th. She weighed in one once less than Grace @ 1lb. 3oz. and matched her big sister in height, 12 inches long.

So tiny that Mom's ring fit on her arm!But look at her grow! Faith getting bigger and oh-so-smiley!Now big enough for the exersaucer...and the big girl carseat...and of course big enough to keep up with her smile!sleepy girl and right after naptime...she keeps on growing and keeps getting cuter and CUTER!gotta keep up with big sister!just chillin' I was thrilled to meet Faith! So sweet, so loveable, so kissable!! Poor Faith didn't feel good last weekend :(but still there's always a smile on this beautiful baby!

HAPPY [[ALMOST]] BIRTHDAY TO YOU FAITH!!

These two sweet girls and their family have been through SO many trials, yet they praise God no matter what! It is so evident to me that God is working in and thru them.

Look at these sweet miracles!I love to watch them grow and become healthier and healthier!and bigger...and sweeter...and cuter...and funnier...and more loveable each day!

I loved visiting Grace and Faith and their mommy and daddy!
Praying for you every day, and I'm so glad God brought you into my life!!

if you'd like to read their complete story, i have a link to their blog [[grace & faith]]

500...

2008-08-13T20:10:00.001-04:00

we need $500 so we can start our homestudy that is!

pray with us??

FRUSTRATION!

2008-08-12T19:53:00.002-04:00

If you asked me when I was 3 what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was "a mommy." When I was 6, it was a mommy AND a doctor. At 8, I dropped the doctor thing...to much school. :D But the mommy part never wavered. At 13, 16, 20, 23...always the same-I want to be a mommy!

Every day friends on myspace, facebook, at church, or work are announcing they are pregnant! Most times it's "unplanned, but we are so excited," or "we didn't really want to get pregnant yet, but it'll be good" or "we weren't trying, but it happened anyway..." etc etc etc. I'm always happy for them, but it is so hard for someone who has wanted that very thing for SO long! We've been married FOUR years and still no baby yet. Obviously God has a reason for this [[and has given us a heart for adoption]] but it still wears on me. When will it be my turn?

More recently I've been reading so many adoption blogs and so many families are being united or already have their babies, or are going to any day, and yet here we are STUCK because we don't have enough money right now to even sign on and START the process of adoption. I'll admit it...I am just plain JEALOUS right now and quite frankly pretty angry that money is all that holds us back.

We've been saving as much as we can and trying to raise money thru garage sales and such, but it's slow going. I mean, 20 in tips each week isn't getting my baby bottles filled too quickly. I'm trying to have a good attitude, and God has been teaching us trust in Him, but it is easy to be discouraged.

How long will it be????????? My arms feel so EMPTY!

CHAPTER 2

2008-08-09T14:39:00.011-04:00

snapshots from HOME! [[pt.2]]

Sarah was so excited about Seattle she couldn't resist more pictures! The bluest skies you'll ever see are in Seattle!! Mom, Rach and Sar enjoyed a lovely walk around Green Lake one day before a game. They are so blessed that their BEST FRIENDS are built into their family!! Beautiful girls!

Pictured above is the best family in the world!!!Meet Joey and Moshe! Joey is an energetic, adventurous, hyper and sweet black lab, and Moshe is a laid back, loveable, lazy and sweet golden retreiver!

Joey Indiana Jones Israel

Moshe Elijah Yisrael
[[Moses Elijah Israel]]Such beautiful, loving hands that have taught so many to love the piano!Including Sarah, who misses singing and playing with her Mom!Dis-hall-hock-a-schlatta night! What fun to spend time with these girls, who are like sisters to me! [[Amy, Kristie, Jolie, Rachel, Amie, Mom and Sarah]]

Look who finally grew!Sarah thinks this man is the best dad EVER!And this woman is the other half of her heart, and her VERY BEST FRIEND in the world! [[P.S. I LOVE YOU!]]

Rach, Gram, Mom and SarahSarah thinks that she should've brought her green apron!Sister, friend.

Sarah looks up to her sister and loves her sooooo much!Sarah and her Gram.Even Moshe loves sbux!This extremely unflattering picture is secretly despised by Sarah, but it shows how we roll... together! Sarah doing what she does...

There was so much to do, so many people to see, so much fun to be had. Though the time was short, they were all so thankful to be together! Though they can't see each other each day, they know that someday they will all be together in Heaven for eternity! What a glorious thought! Until then, the memories they have made will warm their hearts and bind them together!

THE END

"Father, please watch over us while we are apart from one another."

i miss you HOME!

2008-08-06T16:19:00.015-04:00

Once upon a time there lived a family called the Israel's. They were pretty much the best family on earth.

They lived in a beautiful house in the woods. Unfortunately, the youngest daughter married a man who joined the Air Force and moved them ALLLLLLLLL the way to North Carolina! She loved the man very much, but then she couldn't spend time with her family like she wished she could. :(
One day Rachel decided she couldn't live another day without seeing her sister Sarah, and she bought her a ticket to come home to Washington!
After a year away, the beautiful city was a welcome sight! They were priviledged to get ahold of some amazing baseball tickets [[with front row seating!]] for game one of the State Championship Tournament! Pictured above are the Cardinals, who are blessed to have one of the state's best short stops, Zachary Israel! After the baseball game, the girls got to spend an afternoon roaming the city of Seattle, & we even got to stop in and say hi to the Pike Place Piggy! He's pretty famous, you know! Then on to the fish market...use caution! Here in Seattle the fish fly overhead!
There was lots of cool stuff to see, including this beautiful display of fruits and veggies!
Next on their list of adventures was a shopping spree funded by grandma, where Sarah was overwhelmed by fun times, great food, & amazing generosity! Sarah decided to give back by giving a few nice back massages.Family dinners were among the favorite events, full of good eats, yummy treats & goofy peeps.Isn't this what it's all about?Mom & Sarah got to ride around town and visit all of their favorite haunts together, which was a blast! They sure know how to fit a lot in to a short time! C'est la vie!Friday night the family got a little spiffed up and we headed out for a wedding feast and celebration for Susi, the PK. There's always a little sassiness from the children, but it never gets out of hand, of course!

On Sunday 3/5 of the family got to sing in the annual summer concert @ Grace Church! Sarah was so blessed by the lyrics and music that glorified God!One beautiful summer evening the family decided a game of baseball was needed. Dad was the catcher, Zac was pitching, Mom was in left field, and Rach was up to bat.

They all enjoyed a goofy, rowdy game of ball with lots of home runs by Dad and Zac.

The girls provided lots of laughs and bad plays and hiddeous pitching, but fun was had by all. They even made it thru the game with almost no injuries! Only a minor hit in the temple by the wiffle ball, which only caused minor dizziness for Sarah. :DThey didn't have a chance for the usual game of bball, much to their dismay. Surely this lovely court will receive more attention during the family's next reunion @ Christmas!Later in the week Sarah and Mom went out for a long-expected visit with the Massingale's! Gram always shared prayer requests from her prayer partner at church, and thru her Sarah and the rest of the family met Lance and Jen. They gave birth to their twin girls in August of 2007 but the girls weren't supposed to make their debut until December! All year this family has been in the Israel's and Dickinson's prayers, and it was a JOY to meet this beautiful family! Pictured above is Sarah with GRACE [[left]] and FAITH.Sarah was DELIGHTED to spend time with her lovely dear friends, Kris [[above]] and Am [[below]]. So much to do and talk about, so little time...Next stop, the Christensen's house! [[AKA my home away from home]]

Sarah spent two WONDERFUL years as a nanny for their family, and doing so became a part of it! Sophie [[left]] was just ONE YEAR old when Sarah first started with their family, and Ava joined us all a year after that! What beautiful, sweet, smart and charming girls these are! Sarah was devastated to leave them, and misses them EVERY DAY!

[[p.s. I LOVE YOU!]]

More adventures and more friends! And of course Sarah couldn't stay away from Starbucks! [[Who can?]] The girls got to chat with April Peters and her sweet sister Jenny who was visiting from South Carolina! What fun!Though Sarah had a lovely break from work, she just couldn't stop being a barista. Each moring they enjoyed delicious latte's with beautiful foam! Mmmmmm!The baby of the family, Zac, is quite frankly the miracle child.Sarah was pretty stoked that Zac didn't have anywhere to be so she got to spend TONS of time with him...on the computer, playing "scrabble", listening to music, talking, watching movies, shopping, eating, etc...Sarah thinks her brother is pretty amazing, and she loves him sooooo much!

to be continued...

sneak peek...

2008-08-01T15:06:00.003-04:00

can you guess where i was last week??

more to come...

E18

2008-07-13T01:23:00.000-04:00

i carry my beloved camera with me EVERYWHERE i go! i love to whip it out of my purse whenever someone says "oh my word, that is so cute! i wish i had my camera!" i love to capture that cute baby smiling, that look of wonder in a child's eyes, that amazing play on the baseball field, my family, my friends, babies, my cat and dog, my husband, etc... those things that no one can stage.

my camera's been good to me despite being banged around, scratched and dropped several times, and i really love it.

but on saturday, july 5th my photo-taking world nearly ended! on the way to maryland with kellie she asked "did you remember your camera?" to which i answered, "kellie, do i ever NOT have my camera?" of course i pulled it out to look at the hundreds of photos already on my camera card...and that's when it happened:

i pressed ON and a horrible grinding noise accompanied by a loud obnoxious beeeeeeeeeeep and then the error code E18 appeared on the screen! the lens would not open or come out! it brought tears to my eyes! it may not be a super expensive camera, but it is all i have and we have captured many great times together!

lucky for me i was able to strong-arm it into opening and i can coerce it to take pictures still, but i know things aren't totally alright internally. it looks like i am going to have to get a new one! too bad we don't have the means to do so right now...oh yes, and there's that tiny issue of us trying to raise money for our baby...

i guess i can continue coaxing pictures out of it and if worse comes to worse, i'll be taking mental pictures!

Baltimore, Maryland & Annapolis

2008-07-11T20:23:00.009-04:00

well i can put another pin on my map!

last weekend i travelled to bowie maryland with my friend kellie from work. we visited baltimore & also the naval academy [[annapolis]]

the best part was that we got to bring home this:

scroll down to see all about our time together!!!!

fireworks!

2008-07-11T20:15:00.003-04:00

the years are flying by! on the 4th of July we celebrated the fifth anniversary of our first kiss!

we sat in the parking lot the other night along with i think every other person in goldsboro and watched a wonderful show! the mayor sat right in front of us and enjoyed the show also!

happy independance day!

mommy for the week

2008-07-11T20:05:00.019-04:00

meet skylar storm such a happy baby! she came from maryland to visit her sister kellie!

auntie sarah is lucky kellie stayed @ her house!

this sleeping beauty got to stay here all week!

where am i??i love my sleep! but i love to play tooauntie sarah thinks my feet are so cute that she even painted my nails for me!all grown up & turning into a couch potatothe sky is getting stormy!but there is always calm after the storm...

skylar & auntie sarah all worn out from shopping today

i love being naked...

and getting all clean!

mmm, i smell so good! auntie sarah can't stop kissing me!

auntie sarah loves skylar storm sinnott!

i miss you sweet girl! come visit again soon!

we need...

2008-07-02T12:51:00.002-04:00

one more letter of reference & a few more dollars and we are on our way to the homestudy! YAY!

pray that God will provide these things in His timing!

the dog days of summer...

2008-07-01T19:30:00.004-04:00

zoe looks like she is dead! all we need is a little chalk around her and this picture would be done! she is such a funny dog, trying to keep cool on our nice wood floors!

ahhhh, fun in the water! feels so GOOD!

our mischevious little kitten in the cupboard!

he also tries to get in the fridge...maybe we should keep it a little cooler in our house?

joy in the small things

2008-06-30T14:38:00.003-04:00

i am thankful...

-i've got an awesome home

-the most amazing family ever!

-a sweet husband

-two cute pets, zoe and toby

-a good job @ starbucks

-food to eat

-clothes to wear

-a pretty car to drive

-cute things to put up in my home

...and on the adoption front

-people praying every day!

-extra money from tips each week

-people filling baby bottles with their spare change at home and at our church

-friends donating money

-a friend from work giving of her tips each week as well!

i want to focus on all the blessings rather than letting satan bring me down! i choose to sing hallelujah to matter what!

here are some small things i have done in my home lately that i've been meaning to do forever:

[[mom & rach, these are especially for you!! you guys inspire me always!]]

encouragement

2008-06-30T14:36:00.001-04:00

thank you everyone for all the kind words and encouragement!

i love the body of CHRIST!

DISCOURAGED!

2008-06-28T17:52:00.008-04:00

i feel like our whole adoption is at a standstill! yes, we have been approved to adopt, but we can't even sign on with AGCI until we raise thousands and THOUSANDS of dollars!

my whole life i have dreamed of being a mommy. four years have gone by since we got married and nothing!!! no kids, no pregnancies, nothing. we have been looking into adoption for several years now, and i am SO excited to expand our family this way!

but now all that holds us back is money.

we have enough to do CIS/fingerprinting. but not enough to do a homestudy. oohh, or sign the contract with AGCI. which means we really can't do anything but wait. and pray of course. i am SOOOO discouraged right now because all the financial aid i have looked at requires a COMPLETED homestudy. which we don't have and can't afford!

this afternoon i laid my head down by the computer and cried! i feel so hopeless right now and yet i KNOW that God is in control and will provide all we need in His timing. so hard to tell my heart right now.

we have so much of our paperwork gathered, yet we don't want to get ahead of ourselves and have to redo things.

so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray hard for us right now! we really need encouragement, advice, MONEY, and most of all, prayer.

how can i keep from singing Your praise? how can i ever say enough? how amazing is Your love! how can i keep from shouting your name? i know i am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing!

i can sing in the troubled times, sing when i win! i can sing when i lose my step and i fall down again. i can sing with my last breath, sing cuz i know: that i'll sing with the angels and the saints around the throne!

four and counting...

2008-06-28T17:27:00.007-04:00

four years ago mark and i were in cabo san lucas basking in the sun and each others' newlywed gazes...

i can't believe it's been that long! well, not so long considering some of the veterans out there [[like my parents, working on 27 years this august!]] but since i am only 23 now, it's actually been a fairly large portion of my life!

praise the LORD for being the foundation for our marriage, and for graciously helping us through the trails and snares of [[married]] life! there's been a lot, but it helps us mature and grow and learn so much! and hopefully we come out stronger in the end!

thanks, mark for loving me even though i'm not very loveable sometimes! and happy 4th anniversary! it's been quite the ride!

something new to do...

2008-06-28T16:50:00.004-04:00

well it seems we are unable to go more than a month without some sort of project. first it was restoring the wood floor in the hallway, then painting our stairs. currently, we have decided to spiff up our hall bathroom a bit.

this is actually the bathroom that flooded multiple times this past winter when our whole drainage system decided to reposition itself inside the house rather than under the ground outside where we would prefer it stay. we couldn't use our anything that caused water to flow in our household...yeah, that means showers and toilets and washers and dishwashers...not fun! lucky for us we have a good friend on base who allowed us to cleanse our stinky selves as well as our mountain of dirty clothes.

a lovely view of the flooding and greywater...yummy

all that to say, it has been sitting unused since then, and hasn't really been an issue since we use the bathroom in our room. however, with a baby coming [[who i think would prefer a bathtub to a shower]] as well as for the comfort of our guests [[i think they are getting tired of sneaking past my sleeping husband to use our potty]] we are finally fixing it up! i am excited to have a clean and lovely bathroom and am looking forward to seeing our baby splish splashing around in our clean and sparkly tub soon!

mark is moving the bugboards and cutting out the pipes! YAY!

this is a pretty big project since our 1940's house still contains old pipe heating with nasty metal that looks similar to baseboard heaters covering it on almost every wall in our house! this system has long since been replaced with a heat pump and a lovely air conditioning unit that is my best friend! :D right now these baseboards [[aka the "bugboards" in the dickinson household]] annoy the heck out of me and provide ample space for spiders, roaches, and who knows what other creatures to hide behind!

away with the bugboards! eww, look at the dirt behind them!!

as usual, this project is probably going to take longer & be far more expensive than we planned. here's hoping it will get done before christmas!

H-E-L-P ! !

2008-06-19T21:50:00.003-04:00

we really need your prayers!

we talked with our adoption agency, AGCI, and found out a little more about the way things work. we are SO excited to get started, but in order to mail back our agency contract and even START this process we have to mail in a $9, 250 check with it!

while we knew this fee was coming, we thought we could start and that it would come a little later. so now we're in a pickle! in addition to this fee we also have to pay almost $900 for our fingerprinting and CIS, and also another $1,700 four our homestudy. WOW! apparently you just jump right in!

this is probably going to take longer than we thought! so please PRAY hard for us right now!

for our baby
for FUNDS
for us to trust in God even when things seem to be going wrong

THANK YOU!

day for dad

2008-06-19T21:20:00.004-04:00

happy day to you faja!

to my good-lookin' smart-thinkin' ball playin' plane-fixin' problem-solvin' house-fixin' game-watchin' ever-lovin' God-fearin' daddy:

thanks for all you've done, givin, taught, fixed, said, sacrificed, & modeled for me.

you are somethin' else!

thanks for lovin' this silly 'ol bear!

miss you & love you more than words can say!

DIG YA!

nod of approval

2008-06-14T10:27:00.003-04:00

AGCI has reviewed our application and i am proud to announce:

we are officially approved to adopt a baby from Ethiopia!

hotter than all get-out!

2008-06-14T09:42:00.004-04:00

not fun hot, just annoying hot!

hot like you can barely take a breath hot.
hot like you step outside and are soaked hot.
hot like stay inside, close your blinds and don't go outside hot.
hot like all the roaches come inside because they're frying in the sun hot.
hot like heat advisory hot.
hot like breaking records set in 1947 hot.
hot like crispy hot.
hot like wildfire hot.
hot like smoke from the wildfire choking your airpipes hot.
hot like the car delays because the engine is overheated and the ac on full blast hot.
hot like you can't even feel the heat anymore since you are so overheated already hot.

pretty much miserable hot!
so all you washingtonians who think heat sounds nice...don't.

please just enjoy the coolness or take a vacation somewhere warm where there are nice pools or lakes or rivers to swim in. how i wish i could come home right now!

overwhelmed

2008-06-05T13:52:00.002-04:00

God is GOOD!!!

i just received a $200 dollar check from my old neighbor!

i am brought to tears by her generosity and by the way

God always provides!

THANK YOU P.T.!

CHANGE-ing the world

2008-06-02T21:12:00.004-04:00

...one baby @ a time!

every penny counts!

thank you to kellie, kenny & phil for helping me fill these up so far!!

this may seem to some a slow way to raise money for our baby, but we are confident that God will provide and multiply our funds for His glory!

back on the home front...

thanks to my family, who has already filled up two whole bottles!

thanks to my grandma, to dianne, & all others who so graciously are filling up bottles with their spare change!

a BIG thanks to debi wark, my grandma's friend from church who i have NEVER met, who sent back the bottle with not just change, but a check! WOW!

thanks to the HFG who contributes each friday night.

also to all my grace family back home who has helped them by donating each sunday!

GSR2

2008-06-01T13:45:00.006-04:00

well He did it again!

IT meaning He overwhelmed us with his blessings & provisions!

HE meaning our amazing Lord, Jehovah Jirah.

[[round 2]] of our garage sale was even more successful than the first time!

in about 10 hours thanks to all the wonderful donations from everyone, we made a total of

$512.00

i'm a big fan of money...

thank you friends and thank you Lord!

ready, set, GO!

2008-05-30T00:37:00.003-04:00

it is official now...

as of 10:43am our application & our non refundable check to AGCI was in the hands of the goldsboro post office...

which translates into

[[we are on our way to ethiopia!!]]

next step, passports

then $$$

then homestudy

then dossier

then $$$

then travel

then...

baby.

[[we can't wait to meet you!!]]

our passport mug shots

garage sale success!

2008-05-25T01:10:00.006-04:00

we successfully completed our first garage sale!! YAY!

i believe we have now raised 1/93 of the adoption costs needed. :D

just one step closer to our baby, PTL!!

we are definately Enjoying The Process.

it is amazing to see God's hand in all things, espcially lately how He has worked things out perfectly. i am in AWE!

we have been advertising the garage sale for several weeks, asking for donations & such. heather brought some stuff over, which actually doubled what i had to begin with. the overall affect still wasn't too impressive, but we just left in with God & trusted that He would provide. last night before the garage sale 3 people brought truckloads of stuff. joe from church, rachel from work, keren from church, and then sam czech from work brought some things over this morning. also a customer from starbucks donated the biggest profit of the day...a washer & dryer! thanks jess & j.r.! i was so overwhelmed with the kindness of all of our friends & the way God taught me that I can rest in Him. this morning it rained, & once again i was frustrated & doubted we would get a whole lot of customers but thought i'd better leave it with God again. He was not only faithful to bring quite a few people in with the rain, but also the skies cleared around noon & the rest of the afternoon it was gorgeous! thank you LORD!

and i just have to add...

we have some amazing friends.

& in washington...
mom, dad, rach & zac
gram
kristie
amy
my grace family
dianne arnold
debi wark
HFG

...for prayers, love, support & change!

in n.c. thanks to...

kellie jones

heather & michael allard

jessica & j.r. bravo

sam czech & cj

rachel & matt kirsch

joe & linda yeargin

keren & ray gunter

christopher yichiro sassone

kenny hall

phil millard

dick & peg

...for donating time & stuff & money!

gettin' ready!

briana, kellie, heather & i all in the front seat of heather's explorer with the washer AND dryer in the back!

mark modeling some of his favorite donations

toby cat offered his assistance too...

kellie putting to good use the depends that were donated. :D

mark runnin' the store

a special thanks to my mama...

for listening and actually being just as excited as me as i relay day after day the minute details of our adoption all the way down to how i want to decorate the baby's room & what their middle names are going to be and what brand of onesies i like and how i only will use pampers and how much money we need to raise and how long this is going to take and all the paperwork we need to complete and all the adoption stories i've been looking at online and how i got plug protectors and how i found an awesome high chair and what i need to pack when we travel to ethiopia and actually beating me to getting a passport because

she wouldn't miss the meeting of her first grandbaby for the world.

there is none like you.

THANKS!!!!

mama

2008-05-11T17:18:00.006-04:00

HAPPY MAMA'S DAY!

for those of you who know my mama, you already know what i'm about to say.

for those of you who don't, she is the most amazing woman in the world!

she is my mom, but she is my best friend.

i don't have enough room on these pages to communicate all that she is to me.

i was about to try, but i erased it because to put it into words somehow seems to almost belittle what she means to me. but mom, go read that letter i wrote you last year around mother's day, right after i moved. even that can't quite express it, and you know it!

there is really no need to try & explain it to you, my beautiful mama. you already know.

so to the woman who gave birth to me, happy mother's day...

to my best friend, I LOVE YOU more than words can say!

ETHIOPIA!

2008-05-10T18:05:00.004-04:00

i am blessed by GOD.

i think of my life & all that God has given me & i am blown away by the fact that i ever complain. i have the most amazing family ever, i grew up in a home where God was the head, my parents have been together now for 27 years, my mom & dad love & respect each other, my mom & my dad & my sister & my brother are my best friends, i have salvation through Jesus, i have the unconditional love of God, my family & friends, i am married to a great guy, i have a wonderful church family, i have super friends, i had the chance to study @ an awesome college, i've got a sweet house, a good job, cute clothes to wear, i have never lacked for anything, i am surrounded by love, i even have 4 great animals who fill my life with laughter, & the list goes on & on & on...

but there are so many children out there who don't have one thing on that list, & my heart hurts for them.

many of those children are in ETHIOPIA. waiting for someone to love them and claim them. waiting for a daddy and a mommy and a home where they can be loved forever.

now God has given us a heart to adopt and share all of the blessings we've been given with one of these beautiful children.

why ETHIOPIA? because God led us there, and that's my final answer. :D

aleah & brielle

[[twins adopted from hannah's hope ethiopia last summer]]

bereket, sira & tsega

[[triplets adopted two years ago from ethiopia]]

we are SO excited to be a mommy & daddy to a sweet baby just like these ones!

i have a link to the triplets blog if you'd like to view that, and i will be posting other adoption stories there as well.

mr. lonely

2008-05-10T11:44:00.006-04:00

lonely, i'm mr. lonely!

i have no body, for my own!

i'm feeling a little bit down right now, having a little pity party. i haven't felt this way in a LONG time! it reminds me of how i was last spring when we first moved to north carolina. no friends, no job, no church, husband gone @ work all the time, etc etc etc...poor me.

God was faithful to provide a job for me [[STARBUCKS]] and give me friends [[KELLIE, HEATHER & my SBUX FAMILY]], a church [[GRACE BAPTIST CHURCH]] and a new shift at work for mark [[DAY SHIFT!]]
He's really taught me a lot about dependance on Him & finding joy in Him rather than my circumstances. it is not a new concept to me. but i most DEFINATELY need Him to do in my life what i know in my head.

Satan loves to try and drag us down, & with God's help, he's not getting me down today!
mr. lonely? who's that?

i'm getting a new song in my head!

See the morning, see it rising
Over the mountains high
See the mercy in the mighty hand of God
Living Water come and fill us
Only You can satisfy

Turn our sorrow into singing
The song of life
Rejoice, Rejoice
Sing with the angel voices
Rejoice, Rejoice
All Heaven and earth rejoice

Lord, Your strength is a tower
The righteous run into
Lord, Your love is a banner over us
And we hold on to the promise
That Your hold on us is true
There's no other like You, Jesus
No one like You

Always

[[REJOICE by Chris Tomlin]]

GONNA HAVE A GOOD DAY!

mommies & babies

2008-05-10T10:57:00.005-04:00

if you know me, you know that for as long as i can remember, i have wanted to be a MOMMY!

after mark & i got married in 2004 i thought, "wish granted!" but that didn't happen. about 9 months after we got married i was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome [[PCOS]] but then another year after that another doctor told me he really doubted that diagnosis due to my bloodwork & other tests. YAY, so there was no reason for me not to get pregnant!

four years later i have still not had babies, and no one know why? but i have a hunch God does! and personally, i think it is because he has given me a heart and a LOVE for adoption!

we have been exploring the possibility of adoption for several years now, and even if we were to have our own children we wanted to adopt anyway. lately it has become, "we ARE adoptiong" rather than "we're thinking about it."

we actually applied with Wide Horizons for Children last fall, but recently we feel God led us to All God's Children International. It is a Christian agency & we already feel very comfortable with them and are very excited for this amazing process!

we need to complete lots of paperwork, raise lots of $$$$$, but most of all, we need LOTS of prayer.

prayer for our dependance on GOD

prayer for our baby [[someone is carrying he or she or them right now!]]

prayer for funds

prayer for so many children who have no family and no home

prayer that God will us & this whole situation for HIS glory

we can't wait to meet our baby!

staircases & wood floors

2008-05-09T19:38:00.005-04:00

well i am happy to say that after more than 8 months we have finished our hallway project!

YEP, that means the floor AND the staircase have been completed! YAY!

hmmm, guess that means we get to start on the bathroom. ooooh, boy

365 days

2008-05-06T17:05:00.007-04:00

a year already??

perhaps it's because the first four months in n.c. were a blur of sadness & depression, but it sure doesn't seem like it's been a year here in this dry, HOT southern state! but then again, HOME feels like practically a distant memory since i have only been there ONCE since i left. :(

i've learned a lot this year, & i feel like i've grown up too. as painful & hard & lonely as this time has been, i'm glad God allowed it to happen. plus He has given me some pretty sweet friends here. [[make new friends, but keep the old!!]]

one thing sticks out in my mind from those first months...getting our pup & our kitten! the kids sure have grown up fast! we just celebrated their first birthdays, just two weeks apart.

Zoe Hatfield Dickinson Born around April 15th, 2007

Tobias MacAurthur Dickinson Born around April 30th, 2007

they are so much fun! we had a little party for each of them, complete with a double cheeseburger for Zo & chicken nuggets for Tob. and party favors for both, naturally.

these guys keep me company & i'm so glad they are a part of my life!

jaws of life

2008-05-06T16:57:00.004-04:00

i got this thing. it's for my mouth, and it is supposed to help my jaw feel better. [[i have severe TMJ, and i have absolutely no idea what that means besides my jaw clicks & pops & locks up & is very painful & it is hard to talk & sing sometimes]]

i was so excited to get this "splint" as they call it, because i thought the popping would finally come to an end. but no such luck. it is just a glorifed mouthguard. so far it has mostly just made my teeth ache, but we will give it a try for a little longer.

i am thankful that i had the opportunity to see a specialist & i'm excited to see if my symptoms improve!

elbows, surgeries & flatlines

2008-05-06T16:20:00.005-04:00

14april2008

this date marks what could have been mark's last day.

but Praise the Lord he spared him!

a few months ago mark was injured @ work by a hose that flipped up & hit him in the elbow, causing his nerve to slip out of place. it was painful & irritating at first, then eased up after a few days. but to avoid furthur injury they wanted him to go in and get it fixed surgically.

so he was scheduled for a minor outpatient surgery [[local anesthetic]] on the 14th. since we didn't find out until two days before what time it would take place, i couldn't get off work. but no big deal, i got off @ 9am anyway. he would just drive to the hospital, they numb his arm, cut him up & put him back together agin, just like humpty. no big deal. then i would come get him & we would bring his car home later. well...not exactly what happened.

i was about to head out the back door & i got a call from the hospital.

"mrs. dickinson? i believe we have your husband here at the hospital."
"oh, yeah. is he all fixed up already?? i was just about to come pick him up."
"well actually the surgery had to be cancelled today."
"oh, okay. uhh, so he is free to come home then?"
[[annoying, i hate when medical procedures get bumped]]
"well he is sitting up & talking to us now, but they couldn't finish the surgery because your husband's heart stopped beating. "

which was about the time mine started going double time! what in the world?? his heart stopped? for pete's sake, all they were doing was putting his elbow back together right!

apparently about the time they gave him the local, he told the nurses he was about to faint [[a typical response when he has blood taken or other medical procedures done]]. when he finally came to he woke up to frantic action & lots of concerned faces moving around him. the first thing he asked was if they were watching american idol or something, because there was so much noise all around. still sitting there with the oxygen mask on, the nurse showed him the paper that records the heart monitor, and there was a

nice

flat

LINE!

for 21 seconds, mark was gone!

apparently they injected him with some sort of adrenaline [[i'm guessing something similar to an epi pen, used for allergic reactions]] but i am not completely sure. whatever it was, it worked! i knew he was fine because right when we walked outside there was a helicopter & mark proceeded to tell me how the blades worked & why they angled certain ways when the chopper set down. :D

what a good reminder that in the blink of an eye, everything can change, and ONLY God is in control. and for whatever reason, God spared mark that day. i am so thankful, because i cannot imagine life without my mark!

all i can say is: live like the next five minutes are your last five minutes!

the surgeon said that most likely mark had what they call a vagal [[sp?]] response to the anesthetic. it is pretty rare but he said he's seen it happen to one or two of his patients before. they didn't want to continue the surgery then because they were afraid they would have to resusitate him, and they wanted to rule out the possibility that there is some unknown heart defect that hasn't shown up til now. even right now mark is at the cardiologist finishing up a variety of tests just to double check, but they already have told us things look pretty normal & boring.

converting to Islam?? haha

mark now likes to tell me he can't over-do it because his heart can't handle it. oooooh boy!

i love him <3

spray paint...

2008-04-09T20:18:00.003-04:00

my heads feeling a little up in the clouds right now!

mark has the enitre hallway plastic-covered & is using his mad wicked painting skills to beautify our spiral staircase. i was so happy to have recently completed the restoration of the original '40s wood floors, a project that lasted 4 months. :D however, our newest upgrade is looking pretty sharp! good job, mark!

heartstrings & heartsongs

2008-04-07T20:00:00.006-04:00

as mom put it best,

"if home is where the heart is, then how can mine be in so many places at once?"

i feel like i'm being pulled back to washington right now. probably somewhere near ohio, actually. yeah, you guessed it! mama just left a few hours ago. we had an EXCELLENT time, enjoying the mundane everyday things that we all have to do. we grocery shopped, went to the dr., played with the "kids", sang, TALKED, walked, played hand & foot, watched movies, read, worked @ sbux, & even voluntarily watched the final four [[nc vs. kansas]]!!

just being with my mommy makes me happy. & while i wish that could be all the time, i know this is where God wants me right now. but oooooh man do i miss her!

there is an endless song echoes in my soul, i hear the music ring.

and though the storms may come i am holding on, to the Rock i cling!

i can sing in the troubled times, sing when i win. i can sing when i lose my step & i fall down again!

i can sing cause You pick me up, sing cause You're there. i can sing cause You hear me Lord, when i call to You in prayer.

how can i keep from singing Your praise?

how can i ever say enough? how amazing is Your love!

how can i keep from shouting Your name? i know i am loved by the KING, & it makes my heart want to sing!